


Just When I Thought I Had You Pegged

by Januarium



Series: Butts and Stüff [1]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: (or the discussion thereof), Canon Compliant, David is just trying to keep up, Early Relationship, M/M, Patrick Brewer is a thirsty bottom, Patrick is an extremely thirsty troll, Phone Sex, Sexting, because that tag deserves to be canonised, butt stuff, dumb jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:34:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24970906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Januarium/pseuds/Januarium
Summary: Not long after their night at Stevie’s, David and Patrick have a phone call; David finds it very educational.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Series: Butts and Stüff [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1818967
Comments: 48
Kudos: 280





	Just When I Thought I Had You Pegged

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to reginahalliwell for beta'ing, Lokifan for Rose shenanigans help, the Rosebuddies for inspiration and encouragement, and TINN for #buttstuff.

David’s scrolling Instagram listlessly on his phone when the text comes through and he nearly drops it when he realises what the little picture at the top of the screen is.

He fumbles the message open, thankful that Alexis is in the other room talking to their parents about... something, he’s been trying to tune them out. The text’s just a picture, almost hard to identify out of context, but David knows that it’s Patrick’s thigh. In the middle of the picture is a purpling bruise he’d left there at Stevie’s a couple of nights ago.

He waits to see if Patrick will say anything, but when nothing appears David replies.

 **David:** Am I supposed to be apologising for this?

 **Patrick:** The opposite. I just couldn’t stop touching it and thought you might want to see what a pretty colour it is.

David squirms a little, the shock of Patrick being so forward making it that much hotter. It’s dangerous to be doing this with his family just through an open doorway but they haven’t had any private time since that night at Stevie’s and he’s been in a constant state of low-level arousal ever since. Rather than taking the edge off, it’s as if getting to see Patrick come had turned his libido up to eleven.

 **David:** Is that all you’re touching?

The wait for a reply is tortuous.

 **Patrick:** No.

 **Patrick:** Sorry, typing one handed.

Which is an extremely hot response, but David can’t help but let out a snort of laughter.

 **David:** Excuse me did you just use multiple punctuation marks in your one handed sext??

He sees the three dots that mean Patrick’s writing his reply, but before it comes through Alexis appears. “Ooh, what are you laughing at, David?”

He curses himself for forgetting that she would pick up any sound he made just when he didn’t want her to. “Just Stevie, you know,” he says as his phone buzzes with a new reply from Patrick. He knew he shouldn’t look at it now, with all of Alexis’ attention on him, but he has to see what it says.

 **Patrick:** Just because I have my fingers in my ass doesn’t mean I stop having standards.

David’s pretty sure Alexis is talking but it all turns to static because _fuck_. He’d carefully avoided bringing up anything approaching anal at Stevie’s because he didn’t want to scare Patrick off, but apparently he’s been underestimating him.

He shakes himself slightly and looks at Alexis who is clearly waiting for a response to whatever she’d said. “Sorry, Stevie needs my help with. Things,” he says before getting up, aiming to rush right out of the room. He can’t deal with processing how hot his... how hot the person he’s seeing is while in the same room as his sister.

“Ugh, David! You said you’d help me with the colour story for my essay on how to use instagram influencers to sell life insurance!”

It’s hard to resist just ignoring her to leave instantly, considering the fact he can feel his phone buzzing with another message. He takes a deep breath, “Okay, but you know my answer is that your colour story should be black text on a white background, anything else just gets messy and tacky.

Alexis rolls her eyes, “Okay, but where would Elle Woods be if she’d taken that attitude?”

“You can’t spritz an essay you submit online with perfume and without that the whole effect is ruined.”

Alexis purses her lips. “Ugh, David, I hate that you are so right about that. Fine, have fun with Stevie.”

David knows a second too late that his face is showing his utter confusion before he remembers, “Mmhm, yes! Stevie. I will… have fun with Stevie.”

He rushes to the door, but hasn’t made it all the way out when Alexis calls out, “Say hi to the button for me!” She’s been able to see right through him since he was eight and she'd worked out his ten-year-old high fashion model/contemporary sculptor best friend who lived in Alaska was completely imaginary.

Once he’s outside he realises he doesn’t actually know what he’s going to do. At least he’s wearing shoes, he would absolutely have left without them, considering how hard it is to concentrate on anything except the mental image of Patrick finger-fucking himself. His phone buzzes again, reminding him he needs to figure out a plan _now_.

Reaching for his phone he feels his keys and realises what he has to do. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

He power-walks to the Love Room. He’s so grateful they haven’t yet converted it to be another usable room for the motel, now that it actually has people staying there regularly.

He’s got the phone up to his ear, dialing Patrick, before he even finishes closing the door behind him—resisting the urge to slam it in case that alerts someone that he’s in there.

“David, hi, I’m sorry if that was too much, I just—”

“What?” David barely realises he’s interrupted as his mind races to understand what Patrick’s even saying. He’d expected confident turned-on Patrick, but for some reason he has him anxious and apologetic. “What are you talking about?”

Patrick clears his throat. “The text I sent you, um, I know you saw it but then you didn’t say anything, or reply to my follow-ups, so I figured I’d taken it too far?”

David feels horror dawning as he realises that between his trying to get away from Alexis and figuring out what to do next he had _left Patrick on read_. After he’d put himself out there with a sexual confession, no less. He puts the phone on speaker so he can look at the messages he missed.

 **Patrick:** David?

 **Patrick:** Was it okay I said that? Just ignore it is it wasn’t, sorry for pushing it too far.

“Oh my god, Patrick no, that text was so fucking hot I couldn’t even think. Not too far. At all.” David closes his mouth extra hard to keep from explaining quite how far from _too far_ it was.

“Oh, I see.” It’s amazing how quickly Patrick drops back into sexy and smug. “So, since you got that message you’ve been...”

David laughs a little at Patrick being so delicate over the phone, compared to his texts. “I wish. Alexis was in the room. Which is why I couldn’t reply because I was about to combust and I needed to get somewhere I could be alone.”

“And you’re somewhere alone now?” It should be a crime for Patrick to sound that sexy when he’s not somewhere David can touch him.

“I am alone.”

“And what I said wasn’t... too much?”

“That you had your fingers in your ass while texting me?” David smirks at the sharp intake of breath over the phone. Two could play at this game. “Absolutely not too much. You thought it would be?”

Patrick’s voice is just a tad cautious again when he replies. “Well, I know not everyone’s into- into, um, butt stuff in any direction and I didn’t want to assume anything.”

“But you are. Into... butt stuff.” It’s not a question because it’s becoming clear it didn’t need to be and honestly David can’t believe he’s just said the words ‘butt stuff’, but for the sake of this conversation he’ll call it whatever Patrick wants.

“Yes,” Patrick replies, and with the slight whine in his voice David is suddenly forcefully reminded of the context of this conversation. Patrick has been touching himself and texting David about it. Fuck, that’s so hot.

“Are you still touching yourself?”

“Mm, well I had a bit of a break to freak out there, but hearing your voice... David, you’re so hot.”

David’s getting hard, and knows he’s breathing heavily enough for Patrick to hear it, and he hasn’t even got past leaning against the door. “Tell me how you’re touching yourself.”

There’s a pause before Patrick answers, which David uses to move over to the awful bed and start getting undressed. “I’m stroking my cock and remembering you using your mouth on me.”

David lets himself moan slightly in response, because that was absolutely hot, but he has to ask. “What about your ass?”

Patrick chuckles slightly, “You’re really interested in that, huh?” Apparently even their first attempts at phone sex aren’t enough to stop him from teasing David. “What do you want to know?”

“Do you… do that often?”

“Honestly? As often as I can.”

David has to take a deep breath to cope with this information, how straightforwardly Patrick shared it. “Are you doing it again now?”

“Well I’m holding the phone now and I really needed to touch my dick so no, nothing in my ass right now.”

“You could put it on speaker?” David knows he sounds incredibly eager, but well... he is, so he can’t worry about it too much. “I wanna hear you with those thick fingers inside yourself.”

“Fuck, David, shit—give me a second.”

David takes a moment to feel smug as he lies back on the bed naked. Being naked on this bed is really less than ideal, but so is getting come on his clothes and that’s not something he wants to have to think about avoiding right now. Then he catches sight of himself in the ceiling mirror and decides lying on his side is a much better bet for this conversation.

“I’m back,” Patrick says and the sound quality is slightly different.

“Got both your hands free for me?”

“Yeah, put headphones in. I don’t really care if Ray hears me, but I don’t want him to hear _you_.”

David’s heart does something at that little bit of consideration, at Patrick being protective, or possessive, of him. He doesn’t really know how to respond so he brushes past it. “Perfect. I want you to lie on your side.” He likes the idea of them being in the same position.

“Ooh, am I going to be following instructions?” Patrick’s voice is teasing, but he doesn’t sound against the idea. David still feels a little guilty for jumping right to assuming that was where this is heading.

“If you’re into that?” It’s a ridiculous effort not to keep talking, to start apologising and explaining, even though Patrick hadn’t sounded upset at all.

“I’m very much into that.” The smirk in Patrick’s voice is extremely loud. “I’m on my side. What should I do next?”

David really hadn’t meant to take this much control but okay, he does have a vision for how he wants this to go so he’ll take the chance. “You said fingers before, how many?”

“I was just about to add a third.” Patrick says in the sort of matter-of-fact way that makes David burn.

“Mmm, well why don’t you get some lube and we’ll stick with two for now. You—you do have actual lube, right?” Which is hopefully a stupid question, but David’s been with a lot of formerly-straight boys who just learned they had an ass and didn’t care what they stuck up there.

“Yes, I have actual lube.” Patrick chuckles. “It’s even all-natural, so maybe it would live up to your high standards.”

David really wishes he could zero in on Patrick being the sort of person who buys _all natural lube_ , but there’s far more important things going on. The sound of the bottle being opened and closed comes through clearly, but not as clearly as the grunt that follows.

“Oh god, that’s so hot, I can hear you. Talk to me.” David reaches down to grab his cock, just to hold it, much as he wants to focus on Patrick. He’s only been running his hands down his chest without thinking, but he’s somehow already almost totally hard.

“David—David, I don’t—what do you want me to say?”

“Tell me how it feels. Tell me what you were thinking about, before.”

“It feels so good.” Patrick says, strain obvious in his voice. “Trying to go slow, but can’t stop thinking about preparing myself for you to—for you to fuck me.”

David’s got one hand on his cock and one hand on his chest and they both clench at that. After one more stroke he forces himself to move the hand on his dick, because he needs to concentrate, needs to hear this, but he lets himself keep touching the rest of his body, stroking his thigh now. “Yeah, you think you’d like that? Me inside you?”

Patrick’s moan is so hot and so clear. “Yeah, I know I would. I’ve—” the pause Patrick takes feels significant; a deep breath like he’s gearing up to say something important. “I’ve never taken a real cock before, but I love getting fucked.”

David doesn’t even want to think about the noise he makes in response to that. He pinches his nipple hard, scratches his nails into his thigh. He’s so not prepared to hear this, has kind of been avoiding even grabbing Patrick’s ass too much when they make out for fear of scaring him off. The idea of Patrick getting fucked by some faceless woman is enough to make his cock twitch and drip pre-come. “You’ve been pegged?” David’s not sure he’s ever let himself sound so openly desperate, but he can’t help it.

Patrick chuckles in a throaty way that is both familiar and brand new. “Sure David, haven’t you?”

There is something utterly maddening about the way he knows that Patrick started before him, has been fingering himself for a while, and can still tease him like this. David has barely _touched_ himself and yet he feels like he’s going to burst out of his skin. “That’s—that’s fucking hot, Patrick. I—I mean, yes I have been, but— _fuck_.”

“Yes, you have been butt-fucked?” Patrick is laughing at him, because he’s the worst.

“That’s not what I mean, you fucking asshole.”

“You don’t mean fucking assholes?”

David really wants to be mad, but he can’t help laughing, too, both of them giggling down the phone in a way that he’s never associated with sex while sober before. It settles him a bit, lets him pull back from the intense arousal and absorb this new information about Patrick. They’re both quiet for a moment when they stop laughing and it’s strange that David doesn’t feel the need to fill it instantly. “How about we move back a few steps and you go back to fucking yourself for me?”

“I would love to fuck myself for you,” Patrick's tone of voice is unacceptably sincere, but then David can hear him moving, can hear the rhythm in his soft grunts.

“Are you touching your cock?”

“I—yeah, I am.”

David closes his eyes so he can imagine it better. Patrick alone on a bed, fingering and touching himself. “Good, that’s so good.”

“Can I use another finger, David, please?”

David groans and moves his hand back to his cock, finally stroking himself properly, spreading the pre-come he’s been dripping. He’s tired of getting them sidetracked and being asked that question is just too much. “Yes, open yourself up, use three fingers for me.”

The sounds Patrick makes are gorgeous, all concentrated effort. “I wish it was your fingers.”

“Yeah, you want me in you?”

“Yeah—love your fingers, love your hands.”

David’s not sure anyone’s said that before, it makes him need to slow down the hand on his cock for a second yet again, to pull himself back. “If I was there I’d be spreading you out on my fingers, fucking you with my hand.”

“Oh god, please David. You could—you could fist me.”

“ _Fuck_ , oh fuck—You want my hand in you? Have you done that before?” David is getting so close embarrassingly fast, but he’s learning so much about what Patrick likes and he doesn’t want that to stop.

“No, no, I’ve never, but with you—I want to try everything with you.”

That’s too much, listening to Patrick’s raw, open voice tell him that he wants David's whole _fist_ , when David thought they were still half in the “taking it slow” stage. His orgasm takes him completely by surprise and he absolutely fails to keep it from getting on the appalling sheets. Over the phone he hears Patrick groan not far behind and knows he’s come, too.

David flops onto his back and remembers why he hasn’t been like that the whole time when he catches sight of himself reflected on the ceiling. “Ugh.”

“Ugh?” Patrick sounds like he doesn’t know whether to be offended or amused and David realises that is maybe not a _nice_ thing to say right after the first time you have phone sex with your—with the person you’re seeing.

“Oh, not ugh. I mean—a little ugh, but just because I was forcibly reminded this room has a fucking ceiling mirror.”

Patrick laughs a little. “A ceiling mirror? Where even are you?”

David can hear sounds like Patrick moving around, probably cleaning up. Which David should also do because lying on this terrible bed with a handful of come is pretty disgusting. “I’m in the love room at the motel,” he explains, giving in and wiping his hand on the sheets, because he’s going to have to wash them anyway. “It’s where I keep my clothes.”

“There’s something called a _love room_ at the motel, which is empty and has mirrored ceilings, and yet we had to borrow Stevie’s apartment?” Patrick says, sounding more amused than annoyed.

David winces slightly, “Ah, well, you see this is where me and Stevie, um, _connected._ ” He’s considered it, but the idea always felt slightly wrong, which he’d felt vindicated in when Patrick brought it up as objection to their using Stevie’s apartment.

“You and Stevie had sex in a place called a love room, with a _mirrored ceiling_.” He definitely sounds amused now.

“And a heart shaped headboard, yes,” David says, just to get Patrick to laugh, which he does. “You seem pretty fixated on that ceiling mirror.”

“Well,” Patrick says, “Maybe you should show me what it looks like. Just to help me picture the room.”

“Ah of course, you want to… picture the room,” David teases, but a part of his mind is racing at the thought of letting Patrick see all of him, laid out on this terrible bed with come smeared across it. The idea is… maybe too much, but it has some merit. This whole thing did start out with a picture from Patrick, after all. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Patrick makes a delicious little approving groan at that, which gives David enough confidence to pick up his phone and open the camera app. He angles the phone such that his head and shoulders are all that are visible in the mirror, trying to hold it so that his face isn’t covered but he can still actually hit the button to take the picture. It’s maybe not the sexy nude Patrick hoped for, but much as David trusts him he doesn’t think he’ll ever trust iCloud again after what happened in 2014. Checking the picture is okay he realises he forgot to make sure his expression was hot and instead he just looks… happy. It’s disconcerting enough David hits send before he can spend the next hour agonising over taking something better.

“Oh.” He can tell Patrick has received the picture and the tone of his voice is uncomfortably close to wonder. “You’re beautiful.”

David suddenly desperately wishes he were with Patrick in person and it’s so unlike his previous phone sex experiences that he doesn’t know what to do with it. Phone sex is normally great because it’s like getting to fuck someone, but without having to deal with the awkwardness after. This is something else.

“So that was a very educational conversation,” he finds himself saying just to stop his brain whirring.

“I guess so. I, um, hope that it wasn’t too much?” Patrick sounds so cautious, the way he does when his bravado is stripped away. Getting to hear him sound like that makes his heart swell and David just wants to _hold_ him.

“Definitely not too much. Surprising, maybe?” David can hear Patrick breathing in to reply so he rushes to add, “A very good surprise.”

“I’m glad, then.”

“Why didn’t you say anything when we were at Stevie’s?” David has been wondering this under the surface ever since it became clear this wasn’t new for Patrick. They’d had a very good night at Stevie’s but it had all been hands and mouths.

“I was enjoying what we did! Just because I like, y’know, certain things, doesn’t mean it’s all I want to do.”

“Because you like butt stuff, you mean?” David says, glad he can finally tease Patrick for that phrase because honestly _how_ did he just have super-hot phone sex that involved the phrase _butt stuff_.

Patrick’s laugh is surprised and lovely. “Oh I’m sorry David, would you prefer I say ass play?”

David can feel his nose wrinkle in response to that. Both words were great separately but together, “Hmph. Not really, but it’s better than butt stuff.”

“Anal?”

David makes a ‘you’re getting warmer’ noise and savours the resulting chuckle.

“Anyway David, like I said. Yes, I really like having things shoved up my ass, but I also loved everything we did that night, and I look forward to trying all sorts of things with you.”

David’s not used to this, to someone speaking so certainly about them continuing to be together past a few fucks. It’s exciting and terrifying in equal measure. He sighs and checks the time. “I’m looking forward to that, too,” he manages to reply, because Patrick has been so open with him and deserves to hear it, even if it’s hard to say. “For now, however, I have to sneak into the laundry room and clean these polyester nightmare sheets or Stevie’s going to kill me.”

“Yeah, I probably need a change of sheets here, too. Thank you for a lovely evening.” Patrick says, in his ‘I’m teasing you, but I also mean it’ voice. David feels like he could float away.

“You’re welcome.” He’s going to hang up when he thinks of something he has to ask. “Hey, does all this mean you have a dildo?”

Patrick laughs full out. “Wouldn’t _you_ like to know?”

When David looks at the phone he isn’t surprised to see the call is cut off. He gives himself a moment to bask before he gets to work sorting himself and the room out. When he next looks at his phone there’s a message alert. A new text from Patrick, just below the photo he sent.

 **Patrick:** Why would you think I just have one?

**Author's Note:**

> Also posted [on tumblr!](https://januarium.tumblr.com/post/622266554948747264/new-session-archive-of)


End file.
